God Says Your Worth It

March 3, 2007

Gods GloryIt never entered my mind that I would be a single parent.  When I married (which was through rose coloured glasses at the tender age of 24, pregnant and the offer of £1000 to my husband by his family was too greater a chance to miss).  Hindsight is a great thing.  I have come through bitter, angry, despair, injustice and destructive emotions towards my situation having been left penniless, running for my life and having to move 500 miles to find peace.  There is an expectation of women today to be everything.  I’ve always marvelled at how I’ve been able to juggle so many things in my head at one time, like the balancing acts of the plates at greek parties.  I have seen my life being a merry go round trying to please all of the people all of the time.  Yes hindsight, life experience and time…. yes time …… Now my beautiful daughter aged 20 is a marvel to me that she too survived the onslaught of leaving many schools, homes, and walking around with no money.  My daughter surprises me even now.  I suppose I had a preconceived idea of how she would turn out (based on my own experience I suppose).  But my daughter has been a delightful blessing from God I might add.  I might have had only one child, just like God only had one son and the chinese are allowed only one, but she has been so much more than that.  She has shared part of her life experience along side mind.  She like me is unique.  We are all unique.  We all have a different ‘template’ dare I say it.  We all have our own design.  I have rarely been jealous of other people, envious perhaps because I wished to be taller.  I always try to see people as individuals.  I know that God does to. 

Last night, well early hours of this morning it is the only time my mind stills and there God showed me about the butterfly.  I love and adore butterflys.  I love their markings, their designs, their colours, how they emerge into life.  Look at the Zebra’s coat, the Giraffe’s neck, the Cheetah’s speed how diverse our world is.  We as human beings are the same. God loves each one of us separately individually this is where we find our source and worth.  We were all made in a secret place (in our mother’s womb) even if that mother (which mine did) turned out to be my enemy.  My upbringing looked perfection on the outside to people but on the inside sheer hell.  Today they call it abuse.  There are different types of abuse and many people go through it and come out of it the other side, better and wiser. 

Where there is love whether from one parent or two or none there the family is.  I never knew love and didn’t know what I was missing until I met God.  Then God through other people showed me what love is.  Anybody can survive anything with love around.

My husband (my second – we married last year – had to wait a long time, ironic really as my daughter also left home last year – only 10 mins away though!) left this morning knowing he had a long day.  I prayed this long day would be short, I kinda voiced it out to him.  We joked saying that one kind word or smile can make up for irritable or obnoxiousness from people.  How true is that!  Through Ray my husband God has shown me how I am accepted, no matter what I look like on the outside (which is rough sometimes) gone are my office smart days.  Yes I still suffer from depression but my life is whole.  To be honest I can only give God the credit.  I had not love when I had my daughter and yes it is a miracle I was able to give her so much when I had so little. 

We have to blossom wherever we are planted.  I have finally (and believe me this was hard as I have moved over 50 times in my 44 years) found contentment.  I cannot work due to depression and yes it was initially caused by my direct family, mother father and ex-husband.  But what God has done through it has absolutely amazed me and yes I can only give him the Glory. 

Well here’s to the new life only brought about by Christ.  Thank you Anna for this. God Bless.

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