I had a nervous breakdown and the doors shut on everything. When God told me it was time for healing I didn’t really know what He was going to do. But I heard his voice when He asked me ‘Do you trust me?’. I said yes but it was then everything fell apart. I did my back in so I couldn’t work, I lost my flat, my mother took my daughter and was on medication and under the hospital for 3 weeks. I was then led onto a very strange path and was abused for the next 2 years but this in actual fact was my childhood abuse coming to a head as I was a victim of a paedophile ring. Very few know this about me and it has taken 7 years for the Lord to reveal the truth of this. When I came away from my abusive situation the Lord had told me He would meet me. He did in the flesh! I was walking up the hill with my dog where I lived. This man a stranger started walking with me and as I was debating which hill to take as I had a bad back I found myself walking up the steepest hill in my town and my back didn’t twinch at all. He listened to all my troubles and I found as I walked with Him he knew my fears of man but at the end of the path he turned to me and smiled put his hand on my forehead. It was the most beautiful smile I have every seen. I knew something had happened to me and couldn’t get his image out of my mind. As I asked the Lord to tell me who it was he simply said ‘it was me’. Just like Isaiah and Ezekiel I couldn’t say anything for a long time. The Lord leads me now to share when it is right. Many have not believe me but some have. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I met the Risen Lord just like Mary in the bible. 4 years down the road now I am completely off my medication and free of depression that I have had all my life since childhood because of the abuse. I love the Lord with all my heart and work online for him writing. I have trouble reading (although not the bible) but the Lord helps me.


The Church WITHOUT The Holy Spirit

by Samuel Chadwick

The Church is the Body of Christ, and the Spirit is the Spirit of Christ. He fills the Body, directs its movements, controls its members, inspires its wisdom, supplies it’s strength. He guides into truth, sanctifies its agents, and empowers for witnessing. The Spirit has never abdicated His authority nor relegated His power. Neither Pope nor Parliament, neither Conference nor Council is supreme in the Church of Christ. The Church that is man-managed instead of God-governed is doomed to failure.

A ministry that is College-trained but not Spirit-filled works no miracles. The Church that multiplies committees and neglects prayer may be fussy, noisy, enterprising, but it labors in vain and spends its strength for nought. It is possible to excel in mechanics and fail in dynamic. There is a superabundance of machinery; what is wanting is power. To run an organization needs no God. Man can supply the energy, enterprise, and enthusiasm for things human.

The real work of a Church depends upon the power of the Spirit. The Presence of the Spirit is vital and central to the work of the Church. Nothing else avails. Apart from Him, wisdom becomes folly, and strength weakness. The Church is called to be a “spiritual house” and a holy priesthood. Only spiritual people can be its “living stones,” and only the Spirit-filled its priests.

The Church always fails at the point of self-confidence. When the Church is run on the same lines as a circus, there may be crowds, but there is no Shekinah. That is why prayer is the test of faith and the secret of power. The Spirit of God travails in the prayer-life of the soul. Miracles are the direct work of His power, and without miracles the Church cannot live. The carnal can argue, but it is the Spirit of God that convicts.

Education can civilize, but it is being born of the Spirit that saves. The energy of the flesh can run bazaars, organize amusements, and raise millions; but it is the presence of the Holy Spirit that makes a Temple of the Living God. The root-trouble of the present distress is that the Church has more faith in the world and in the flesh than in the Holy Ghost, and things will get no better till we get back to His realized presence and power. The breath of the four winds would turn death into life and dry bones into mighty armies, but it only comes by PRAYER!

Grace – a poem by jacqui xx

February 13, 2008


The prick of the needle,
Blood scarlet red,
Drops onto the sheet of sin,
Coloured strands,

A change is wrought,
Tiresome thoughts,
Beauty robbed, darkened,
The bud still closed,

Wait patiently,
For His Hands,
His Word,
Black thoughts swept away,
The battle belongs to the Lord.

Let His will be done,
In faith wait,
The petals,
To open,

Crowds follow Jesus

February 11, 2008

“Jesus withdrew with his disciples to the lake, and a large crowd from Galilee followed” Mark 3 v 7

Crowds follow Jesus.

It is true to say that when something new and exciting comes along many people crowd around to see it. Jesus was the new phenomenon in their eyes at the time. But He was as some were to discover no ordinary man.

As I read this scripture in Mark this morning, the thought of Princess Diana came to my mind.

Both newspapers and cameras intruded their way into the life of a this young, naïve woman at 19 years of age. She was to be married to the heir of the Crown of England and later bear the children to become heirs and future kings. Little did she know the devastating effects this would lend itself.

As most of us know at an early age she was tragically killed in a car accident. Would it have been any different if she were not the mother of the princes. We shall never really know, even speculation occurs today as to what truly happened surrounding her death. But she will be remembered at best for her beauty, her kindness to the less fortunate and also for the intrusion of the mass media into her life and the misery it caused.

Jesus too faced the same intrusion and the bombardment of crowds. Even to the point where He and his disciples could not eat. He even asked his disciples to find a boat as a means of escape. Man has not changed and many are drawn to revival meetings, concerts, evangelistic events some not really knowing why, maybe the miracles or just curiosity.

But Jesus knows the intention of peoples hearts and those that will truly follow Him.

Remember the story of Jesus healing ten but only one came back to thank and praise Him!

“Jesus went up into the hills and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him”.

We read that Elijah, a seemingly solitary prophet was told by God (and this after a wonderful miracle from heaven) that there were still 7,000 prophets left hidden who did not bow the knee to Baal. In other words there are still true disciples of Jesus today who worship the Lord in spirit and truth.

The appointed twelve were given authority to drive out evil spirits, heal the sick and raise the dead being signs unto others of their true following unto Jesus.

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me”…. John 15 v 4

It is important that whatever we do in Jesus name has to be totally of Him and not of ourselves.

Today, even now, many still see the death of Diana as a pointless tragedy.

This is not so for Jesus.

For you see when Jesus died He rose from the dead!

When the disciples came back to tell Jesus about all the miracles and wonders of God Jesus speaks and says rejoice not but rejoice in the fact that your names are in the Book of Life. In other words what is more important is knowing Jesus and your future here and now and forever.

“And said , I beseech thee, O Lord God of heaven, the great and terrible God, that keepeth covenant and mercy for them that love him and observe his commandments”…Nehemiah 1 v 5

The church is weak and there is no fear of the Lord, these words imprinted on my heart this evening. As I read the beginning of Nehemiah I realised that the Lord was trying to tell me something. As Jerusalem was in rubbles so is the church. Truth has been eradicated from the church apart from a small remnant that the Lord knows of. The church has become comfortable and fat and the wounded sheep have no shepherd or justice. God hears their cries and He himself is going out on the pastures day and night to heal their wounds and hearts.

Gods Truth the double edged sword is about the sweep the nations. There is to be much turmoil in the coming years and the axe is at the root of the tree. Persecution will descend upon comfortable nations who have forsake their first love of Jesus. The choice is either life or death both spiritually and for some physical.

Nehemiah used the word ‘terrible’ and rightly so. He is the God of heaven and earth and ultimately He is in control. His promises are sure for those who keep his commandments and they are sheltered in the High Tabernacle.

As I write I must speak what the Lord lays on my heart it is my calling and my fear of the Lord is greater now than the fear of man.

It is also with a heart of love too because I know that Gods Word is true and what is happening around me is distressing me much despite the peace that Jesus gives me.

As I leaned on Gods Word tonight the promise that God will build His church will come to pass but not before persecution.

Moses the great leader was denied access to the promise land because of his disobedience and again I sensed the Lord is going to raise new Joshuas in this new generation will will lead Gods people.

Something new is about to happen and a change of circumstances will occur for many but do not be afraid for God is with us.

“And the Lord said unto Joshua, this day will I begin to magnify thee in the sight of all Israel, that they may know that, as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee”…. Joshua 3 v 7

God is about to remove many enemies, people who are opposed to the Gospel of Christ.

Be wise as serpents and gentle as doves my people. Speak the Truth in love and watch the Lord move in a mighty way.

“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don’t deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don’t deserve me.”

….. Matthew 10 v 35 (The message).

Jesus does not mince his words does he? He speaks plainly and gets straight to the point!

A friend of mine said there there were too many ‘ians’ about. Christians but without Christ in their lives – ‘ians’. How true is this!

It is costly my dear brothers and sisters and Jesus warns us over and over again that He did not come to bring peace but a sword. His sword is Truth. It is the Truth that sets us free my dear friends. Jesus is the Truth not man.

Many friends and family will not like the fact you are a follower of Jesus. A christian going to church christian is fine, but to truly follow Jesus is an entirely different matter.

When I first became a christian the man I was married to at the time was not a christian although he came from a church going family. I experienced as a brand new baby christian persecution. It was just awful but looking back now it was a preparation of things to come. God knows the future. God knows the evil that abounds and has to prepare us to stand and fight in His name. The closer I walked with God the more he mocked me and told me that his parents were going to heaven because they go to church.I put him straight on this and incurred his wrath!

Then I have had conflicts with all my family and friends I had. I lost all of them. I can remember listening to a tape one day and the guy said if you want to follow Jesus you will have to lose all your friends. I was terrified and thought no way!

I actually turned my back on the Lord for 10 years because I just couldn’t get my head around Gods Word it was too hard and I couldn’t do it. Although I left God, He never left me. I came back a prodigal daughter, a sinner, I sensed the angels singing that day and truly the scripture is true when one sinner truly repents even the angels sing in heaven! Praise the Lord!.

Then the revelation of the state of the church was revealed to me by the Lord and on my face and heartbroken shed tears for the lost and aghast at the deception that is ruling our churches today..

The church have left Jesus out and brought in man-made teachings and traditions and new teachings (false teachings) are abound! There are no fresh revelations in today’s church. The Good Shepherd is going out himself finding His sheep and feeding them.

Mindless gossip and ungodliness’s rife in the church and they have pushed God out! The angel of light sits on the altar in many churches and ears are dulled and mouths abounding in strives, envy and ambition but not to the Lords will.

Jesus is not about cozy but His peace is beyond understanding and helps us rise up over tribulations.

Are you sacrificing the Truth for an easy life? We are called to be holy as the Lord is holy. Separate.

“For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be”…. Matthew 24 v 21

Standing watch, waiting, observing the sign of the times. Many people discuss all the different changes of weather today. The issue being ‘Global warming’, ways to save the world. Panic measures all around but in the bible Jesus himself tells us exactly what is going to happen to earth. It is all there black and white!

The question is do you want to hear the truth?

How often do you say when people ask how you are you say ‘Oh I’m fine’. In fact it is the exact opposite of how you sometimes really feel. How many really want to know the truth even on such small matters. If they do not want to know on this level how much more so the real truth of the future of this planet earth.

“Behold, I have told you before”… Matthew 24 v 25

If you do not want to hear the truth then Jesus is not for you! Christianity is not for you! But as with the warning labels on dangerous substances tell of what might happen if you don’t do something, so is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Yes Jesus Christ died for your and this was such a demonstration of how much He did love you. He hung for 6 hours bleeding, dying and in excruitiating pain. The sacrifice was great but so great His love for mankind Christ went through all the way until the end

But you see Jesus is also about not just love but Truth.

For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be”….. Matthew 24 v 27

Jesus is coming back make no mistake about it. His Word is Truth and if Jesus says it I believe it!: Perhaps you think I’m a bit off the wall or hard or even crazy but the reason I am writing this is to plead with you to believe what Jesus says. The end is coming and unless you give your life over to Jesus then the alternative is as the bible says. Total separation from God for all eternity. It is love that is driving me to write this plea. Love for you and your family. Do you not warn your children if they get too close to the fire! This is exactly the same principle except the fire in hell will burn eternally.

Anything that is not of the Spirit will be burned up. A man must be born again by Gods Spirit so the gift of the Holy Spirit can be imparted to you to live your life for Christ. It is a gift as is faith. Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened unto you.

God will not give you a stone but a heart of flesh, a new life. Seek first His Kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.

Trust and obey….

January 28, 2008

“So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, yea Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, “Feed my lambs”…

He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep…… John 21 v 15 – 16

This is the word I received this morning “Feed my sheep”.

As I read the scripture it struck me for the first time that Jesus first says “feed my lambs” once but “feed my sheep” twice. When I saw “feed my lambs” I stopped at this point, then realised that the Lord actually said “feed my sheep”.

It is important to listen to the Lord to hear exactly what He is saying. He was asking me to feed his sheep not lambs.

It’s not just a whimsical thing to step out on your own and do your own thing the directions must come from the Lord guided by the Holy Spirit in line with His Word.

This comes from having a close relationship with God. Talking to him, praying, meditating on His word and getting to know that still small voice amidst the clattering of noisome pestilence in our world.

Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him. If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me. Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my feet. …. John 13 v 8-9.

There are many Christians who profess to be Christians but Gods Word even tells us how we are to know the true believers from the liars. “By their fruit you will know them”

“He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him”…. 1 John 1 v 4

Jesus warns us that we are sent out as sheep among wolves but Praise God he has not left us wandering aimlessly without a guide. Jesus is the Good Shepherd and his parting gift of the Holy Spirit guides us into all Truth and is with us until the end of the age.

As we daily submit our lives into Jesus hands and allow Him to have the reins he will tell us what too say and do. Do not worry before hand what you will say because the Holy Spirit will bring to remembrance all the things you need to say.

After a yet another trying morning I knew I could not proceed any more with my tasks until I had sat with Jesus. After a difficult week-end and still feeling tired I poured my heart out to Jesus, also knowing that my attitude wasn’t right either. Straight away though Jesus comforted me with His word. No condemnation just His Truth and guidance.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light”…. Matthew 11 v 28 – 30.

Praise God I got all my chores done, walked my dog and as soon as I received the word from the Lord sat and wrote this out.

Trust and obey

‘Cause there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus

Just to trust and obey…..

God bless Jacqui xx

Amazing Grace - volume IIhttp://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=1833274

Please take a look at the above link.  I have just written two books called Amazing Grace Volume I and II.  The first is a hardback and can be downloaded for free and volume II is a softback priced extremely reasonably, although I think it can be downloaded for free.

Let me have your feedback if you get time to read them.

God Bless jacqui julyan.