Winds of change …

January 19, 2008

God I believe wants to do new things. His love and mercies are new every morning and His word is fresh every morning. We are not to eat yesterday’s manna. I am guilty of this so many times.

It takes faith to walk in a new day but as I read the above scripture and diligently sought God, His word gave fresh revelation and new hope.

As I walked past an old church the other day I realised that they really were old and the traditions of men still hold their grip today. But Jesus is alive, His Holy Spirit wants to move. I sensed so much last night that the Holy Spirit is grieving, tears were springing up at the stubbornness of peoples hearts to change. I felt God’s heart breaking. But God is a God of love and will not force those who do not wish to follow Him. Many will be left behind but for those who are lead by the Spirit such joy awaits.

What choice do you want to make today?

I Never Knew

Blast from the past,
I remembered my youth,
Folly; darkness,

I never knew,
How wretched,
My heart did crave.

From bad to worse,
The illusion,
Into delusion,
Against my soul!

It’s door slammed,
Into confusion,
Each side.

But love yearned,
Amidst the cracks,
Of my soul.

I did not know,
My soul belonged to God,
Before I was born,
He knew,
The pain,
The suffering,
Aching of love,
Only Jesus!

Each step into darkness,
His Light,
There stood,
Just watching,
Until I understood.

Earthly love,
Like bubbles,
Then gone!

The Light,
Brighter still,
New dawn,
The Truth,
So needed I,
To see God,
Look above!

Our time here,
On earth,
So very short,
Seek out the Light,
Seek out the Way,
Seek out the Truth,

Time is running out,
God’s embrace,
To His enemies,
Those of the world!

In a twinkling of an eye,
The Heavens will roar,
You could be left,
Save those in,


‘To my beloved’

November 1, 2007

2 Timothy 1 v 2

” …. my dearly beloved …..”

As I researched the true meaning of the word ‘beloved’,  I turned to my first port of call a dictionary and thesaurus. they have always helped me to put together words to my feelings.

Now ‘beloved’ I thought would be a straightforward word.  Not so.  Head knowledge has to become heart revelation. You see it is not just a word.  Beloved actually is a describing word or an adjective and its definition comes from old english ‘ Be Loved’. The dictionary words for beloved are cherished, favourite, hallowed, precious, prized, revered, well-liked.  Again we are dealing with the heart here and if there is one thing I have had no understanding until Christs love and that is to ‘be loved’.

I went to the Book,  Songs of Solomon and the beautiful poetry of how a man and a woman have been given the gift of love from God for one another to share both physically, mentally and spiritually.  This was the breaking point for me.  I burst into tears because I know I have been denied this.

From childhood into adulthood I have not been loved.  I felt all the bitterness of the years come pouring out of me and feelings of such agitation and despair. The shame of my youth of being abused and letting man rule my life to do whatever they wanted to do with it.  Always seeking love only to find lust.  I got up to make some toast and coffee- in admist of tears.  I poured out my complaints to God.  It is good to be honest with God He knows anyway.  Pour your heart to Him.  He cares for You.

Psalm 38 – The burden of suffering

“O Lord, rebuke me not in thy wrath; neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure.  For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore.  …”
“For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me… ”

“I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart…”

“Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee….”

“My lovers, and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off….”

“But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied….”

“Forsake me not, O Lord: O my God be not far from me.  Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation…”

Still doesn’t take the heartache away yet as I stood waiting for the kettle to boil Jesus spoke Isaiah 54 to me.  Peace washed over my heart because although I hadn’t read the words for sometime, I knew they were words of comfort.  God is the God of Comfort!  With a capital C!!

This is what I would like to share with you.  I wanted to skip over the first word and go straight into the main body of text but Jesus is the Alpha and the Omega the beginning and the end.  You must always start at the beginning even if it is uncomfortable and since this word was the first word and in capitals with an exclamation mark I knew it needed my attention.  Well God got my attention.  The first word in Isaiah 54 is SING!!

To be honest the last thing you want to do when your upset is sing.   Drown in my sorrows, mulling over years of pain and neglect and yes jealousy that somehow God has overlooked me in denying me my hearts desire.

Well I didn’t break literally into song but my heart was comforted straight away.  God always starts on a positive note.  His note!!  This was just the beginning of  God composing and orchestrating His Word of love to those who have not been loved.  Although He uses the word ‘barren’ it is a spiritual meaning as well.  This Word is for men and women.  Both have been deprived of love, Gods Word is for all.

Isaiah 54 v 4-5

“Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed; neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more”

“For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel.  The God of the whole earth shall he be called”.

This was such an amazing word to me because I have thought that there must be something unloveable, even when I knew I was pretty in my youth I was shunned and pushed away.  You see I thought it was enough to look pretty and say pretty things but it did not work.  No matter how much I tried to please my parents, my siblings, my boyfriends and eventually my husbands they just didn’t love me.  Yes it has confounded me.  But here God is saying ‘neither be thou confounded’.

God is saying, the new wine I give you will not confound you any longer, you shall not be put to shame any longer.

God is saying ‘thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth and not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more’.  God is saying we will forget.

The past will not haunt you.  The reproach you have had all these years will be taken from you.  God is to do that, not man.

I was also struck by the word ‘widowhood’.  Not only  does Widowhood mean to be without a husband through death but also women who have not had a husband.

There is a term called ‘golfing widow’ which means the wife does not see hide nor hare of her husband, he’s always out playing golf.  His affections lie elsewhere.  Some of you might be widowed but others could be widowed because their husbands are just not part of their lives.  I am in this situation myself, yet again!

Now here is the TRUTH

‘For thy Maker, is thine husband’.  God is saying I am your husband. The Lord of hosts himself is taking the place of where your husband should have been.  He is the Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

What a privilege for God to say to us, the Maker of heaven and earth, ‘I AM YOUR HUSBAND’.

I have neglected the very thing that is essential.  To put God first.  I have put getting a husband to love me the most important thing in my life, but here the Truth is God is saying I AM YOUR HUSBAND.

I want to draw your attention of Psalm 127 (King James Version) and it is very relevant about how we position God in our lives.


“Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep”

After years of stress the Lord has given me ‘his beloved sleep”.  As I give each day my life, my work, my husband, my family (who do not know the Lord), I trust that in His time He will fulfill all His promises.

God’s love is pure and although I speak as a woman I know there are many men who have been just as abused and neglected.

God is still saying the same words as Paul said in 2 Timothy

“To Timothy, my dearly beloved son…”

Paul knew Jesus Christ, was changed by Him and it shows in his letter to Timothy.

As a final thought to ponder,  I read today some use the word ‘epistle’ to describe the new testament letters.  As I looked up the word ‘epistle’ one of its meanings was formal. This suggests that Paul’s letters were written in a formal manner.  I have to disagree with that.  I have worked over 20 years as a secretary and have typed thousand of formal letters for many professional companies and never once did I see the word ‘dearly beloved’!

This letter to Timothy was a love letter from God, using Paul his brother a humble servant of Jesus Christ.

May we too go out in the love of Jesus Christ with the same attitude of humble love towards our brethren.  Who knows this could be the very witness the world needs right now has been waiting for, so that Jesus’ name will be exalted and as He said ‘I will bring all men to myself’.

So on this note from God he says to you all ‘ My Dearly beloved’.

God Bless
Jacqui Julyan

God is Love

October 31, 2007

2 Timothy chapter 1 verse 2

“To Timothy, my dearly beloved son …’

This opening address to Timothy reminded me very much the words I use to address a birthday or personal greetings card.   It is direct but personal and using the word ‘To’ evokes to my mind affection from either a close friend or family.  Although Timothy was not connected biologically God had brought them together in the new Family of God.  Paul’s usage of the term ‘dearly beloved’ strengthens the familiarity and love between them.  How Timothy must have rejoiced in his heart over such a welcome!  I know I do when I receive a card addressed to me from someone I love.  Not only that,  Paul used Timothy’s name.  This to me is very important and brings acknowledgement of identity.  Identity is so important.  God is very interested in identity.  He made each of us original, and we are special. Very special indeed.

Our identity is shown to be important by God

Psalm 139 v 14-16

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works: and that my soul knowest right well.  My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth’

Yes our identity is wrought by God in secret and as David writes further “Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them”.

Now you see God knows our hearts and our hurts because back in 2001, I was living in a flat with my daughter a single mum.  Times were hard and a vicar of a church gave me the autobiography of John Wesley.  Now John Wesley unbeknown to me started the revival in Cornwall.  I had moved down from a big city in the UK to escape literally for my life some very troublesome family and ex-husband.  When I came to Cornwall I was far away from the Lord.   God drew me back though after some 10 years.  Much rejoicing in heaven I know I felt it!!

Here in Cornwall I came across for the first time a denomination called Methodism.  Now before I write any further I am not into denominations.  I have been to every type of church there is and I have found he same fundamental flaws in each of them.  There is no perfect church and lets face it there will be no denominations in heaven.

Anyway I was given this autobiograhy of John Wesley and in the preface at the beginning my eyes caught two words ‘little jacky’.  John Wesley the famous preacher and revivalist had the same name as me it was his nick name.  I think seeds were sown then of what God had in store for me.  God still sees me as Jacky with a Y as that is my original spelling.

Focusing on identity and how God sees us.  This is important because Gods Word is the only Truth and the only Truth we should listen too.  His love is perfect.  I I opened up to Isaiah 62 I came across this scripture and it so touched my heart.  (just these few verses I’d like to share).

For Zion’s sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth.

And the Gentiles shall see thy righteousness, and all kings thy glory: and thou shalt be called by a new name, which the mouth of the LORD shall name.

Thou shalt also be a crown of glory in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of thy God.

Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married.

For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.

When Paul wrote to Timothy he wrote with a humble heart from God.  God was writing to Timothy in love and this is shown by using the word beloved.  Only a heart dedicated to God who is Love could write like this.

Have you ever written a love letter and looked at the choice of words you use.   As the book of 1John says.  God is Love.  This was Paul writing to his brother, son, family. (even though adopted into God’s family).

We see Paul openly speek with confidence to Timothy in the first verse stating his authority as Gods spokesperson.  Thus giving Timothy assurance and a guarantee that he could be trusted and that he was genuine.  Then secondly Paul was then able to speak to Timothy from his heart and say through those words ‘To Timothy my beloved son’.  Thus any fear was relinquinshed.  In Christ Jesus they were related and their common bond of unity was love.

Jesus says in John 15  v 12 “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you’

31st October 2007
Jacqui julyan, cornwall, england

Heart of Flesh

October 28, 2007

I have been a born again christian for 20 years now. I was baptised, went to all the fellowships, meetings, evangelistic meetings but it wasn’t until the year 2004 after years of abuse, neglect and abandonment that I met the Lord Jesus myself in person. When I say in person I mean literally I have met the Risen Lord as Mary did as she sat outside the tomb!

He walked with me, listened and as Isaiah 53 says ‘there was nothing about him in appearance that attracted us to him’. It is true but walking with Him changed my life. He has humour, He is Grace personified. His Love is like no other. His Truth sets you free and He has done this.

His healing is Whole. There is truely no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Whereas it was head knowledge God has given me a new heart of flesh!

Giving your life to Jesus Christ is the only right decision you can make in your life. He satisfies and you will never thirst or go hungry again.





The Revelation of Jesus Christ is that He is Alive. Paul met Him, the disciples walked with Him.

Believe the Good News. Repent and Believe in Gods One and Only Son.



October 24, 2007


What you see is what you get!
So the world keeps telling us.
But you see,
In God’s Kingdom,
What you don’t see,
Is a hope,

Of the heart,
Is a terrible thing,
Sin rules this world,
Guess what?
Jesus has overcome the world!!
The hope,
We have in Him,
Is truely,

Hope in the world,
Guess what?!
Is futile.
But hope in the Truth,
Reeps a reward,
Even true believers,
Cannot grasp!

By faith,
In Jesus,
Who is our God,
Is a hope,
Eternally mine!

Sparkling Dews of Hope ….

October 22, 2007

What is it about you Jesus?
Love Divine!
You came down to earth
Why on earth did you do that!?

From heaven?
Where is heaven?
My childish nature asks
In wonder!

I wanted to see the angels,
Your servants,
But you saved the best wine until last!
I met you,
My ressurected Lord!
Then I understood!!

No confusion,
Just wonder,
No wonder the angels sing,
Night and day,
To worship you,
It is all we need,
Nothing else.

You walked with me,
Eased me up such difficult terrain,
Out of the heat,
Into the cool,

Ancient trees,
Waved in the breeze,
Glistening sunlight,
Filtering the air,
Quiet stillness.
They knew!
That you were Lord of Lord,
And King of Kings!

Such Light!
You are the Light,
Of all the world,
True Light!

How could you read my thought?
Your ease of listening,
Your compassion,
Your quietness of conversation,
Tis True,
Let your yes be yes,
No be no.
Your Word is true,
Your are True.

Such compassion,
Listening, attentively,
You laid aside my sin,
My hurts, my fears,
My resentments.

Finally you had to go!
Our earthly journey to an end,
Yet as I turned,
There you stood,
Healing hand,
Cool to the touch,
No fear,
Just wonder!

Such Peace!

Sparkling dews of hope,
Treasured moments,

For you see I know we will meet again,



Faith, Hope and Love

October 10, 2007

Faith, hope and love,
Rains down from above,
Angels shining like the stars,
Pearls and rubies in their wings,
Springs the rivers of delight.

Our Father,
Sits and listens,
God, frankinsence and myrrh,
Incense of prayers,
Swirling, coiling, active,
Whispers of wisdom, comes forth,
From Heaven He came,
Gold sashed and gleaming white,
To our mud trodden world of sin,
No-one recognised the King of the Jews,
His own had wandered,
Like lost sheep, the gentiles,
Listened and believed,
That salvation,
Brings faith, hope assured,
The greatest gift of all,
Sacrificed with nails,
Pierced for us,
Blood shed,
Torn in two from above.


Blessed are the meek,
So humble,
Our Jesus,
Torn in spirit and truth,
His way of love,
So divine,
How can it be?
That I should gain,
By the King,
The King of all kings,
The Lord of all Lords.


Blessed are the merciful,
Have mercy on me Lord,
Forgive my sin,
Sing unto Him a new song,
Clothed in righteousness,
Pure white linen,
No blemish,
Accepted into the beloved,
His arms carry us home.


Blessed are the pure;
For they will see;
God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
At peace;
Safe and sheltered,
Enfolded into his bosom,
Adored and treasured.
You are!


by jacqujulyan,cornwall,england.zebra-728.jpg

To God Be The Glory

September 28, 2007

Step Out of the Box

September 4, 2007

newlifeinchrist1.jpgI just want to encourage you my friends that whatever creativity you have been gifted with let God use it, don’t hold back.

I never knew how creative I was until my world collapsed and I needed to find an outlet. I went to art school back in 2003/04, the irony being that it was my embroidery that stood out to the art teacher that enabled me to get on the course in the first place. ( now embroider butterflies, but already after the second I sense God is taking my needle and creating what He wants).

It was the most awful year and yet the most exhillerating too!  All my artistic work (a lot of painting at the time because it was quick),  was fueled by my anger at that time because of the abuse I was suffering. Sometimes I would paint in the dark just to see what it looked liked in the morning. I regret to say that a lot of the work I threw away because of the way I felt about myself.

Letting people see your creativity is almost letting them see your soul and the pain that goes with it.

Well the year is now 2007 and I’ve just built (with the help of directions) a web site and put a small part of my poetry, the odd diary note, letter and articles. Designing it with all the colour schemes I found so wonderfully creative and organising all my colours.

A year ago I would not have even tacked such a task and I didn’t realise how much poetry I had written until I looked the other night…. enough to write a book actually. I thinking of doing that and think I will based on my confidence in building this site…. will take my time though.

What I want to say is keep all your artistic endeavours, dedicate them to God for His Glory and don’t throw them away like I did.  Don’t be afraid to ‘step out of your box’ and try new creative things because it’s so a part of who you are.

I reluctantly shared this because I am so used to sharing my depression and not my joy, so balance is at last starting to emerge into my life and staying, which after 45years is something good.

God Bless xx Jacqui xx

(the wings are starting to flutter!!!)